lesbianshepard:

retail story time: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it’s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping cart. 

now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that “the store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.” or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they’re gonna be a while.

so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it’s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot. 

and this woman, she’s a Suburban Mom ™ type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i’m sorry, i don’t have one at the register. 

and this woman, she leans in and tells me “you know, i’m a professional psychic.” and i think “oh christ here we go”

and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this “power” keeping me from mr. right several times. 

i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply “is it the power of me being a lesbian?”

she pays and leaves without another word.

rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-stars:

bustnuttington:

violentposer:

the ‘big three’ of coping mechanisms are jerking off, fucking up your hair, and playing your favorite music real loud

and the hidden fourth coping mechanism: spending obscene amounts of money and drowning yourself in material items

op and this reblogger didn’t have to call me out this hard oof

moonlightangel:

no offense but i have every right to not trust men 

radzkaban:

bnmxfld:

a gentle reminder:

you are still learning. you are still changing. you are still growing. breathe. you will find your way.

andthewasp:

if im gonna be famous i want to be flo rida famous. this man has three billboard hot 100 #1 hits and no one can name a single thing about him except for the fact that he is from florida. no annoying stans, no controversy. just radio friendly bops. this is the type of cryptic celebrity status i wish to achieve. he just pops up once every few years makes a hit song then goes back to wrestling alligators or recounting elections…..or whatever it is that floridians even do. he allegedly has a net worth of $30 million dollars and i dont even know what he looks like. has anyone ever seen a picture of this man??? no. can anyone of you even tell me his real name without googling it first??? no. all we truly know is that he likes them apple bottom jeans and the boots with the fur that she had on but we dont even know what HE was wearing in that situation do we??? this man has the right idea i respect you flo rida i really do

getinmelanin011:

blackgirloneshots:

jeanndarc:

i am attracted to all versions of chris evans but i cannot decide which one is hotter??? he’s just so good looking??

closely shaved head and dark bearded evans?? extremely cleanshaven blonde steve rogers evans?? young and freckly evans? scruff with hipster glasses evans??? normal brown hair and full beard evans?? 

Full beard all the way

*marches in banging pots and pans*

Beard whore!! Absolute BEARD. WHORE!!!

🗣🗣🗣

eatingisfab:

also Mood: let’s drink wine and talk about how depressed we are